So I got into my 4th year of college... Time surely flies.
I am still that unconfident kid who afraid to start convo, nervous as hell and recently I know that I tend to get rhotacism whenever I speak in public. I was suprised as well.

So in my last semester I got a lot of presentation to give and even thou I wrote what I'll talk about, I'm still nervous and can't say r properly. Moreover when I'm answering question. I dont know whether that is embarassing or not, but I dislike to show that I'm don't have confidence in me.

Well....
Put that aside.
I know I'm having some mental issues, thus I got some appoinment with a psychologist. I hope no one from my real life found who I am. People in my country looks at psychologist patients as lunatics. Give us a break. We're trying to fit in the community, then you're judging us. If you have time to do that, help us instead by hearing our story.
I don't know if my awkward gesture and words in public is caused by this but having a session won't hurt. At least I want to know why I touched and break down so easily like some sensitive person. I'm not saying being sensitive is bad, but my action are harsh, and I think it'll be those 'look at yourself' moment if I demand people to be gentle.
I'm a brat, okay? Uh, I hate that...
Okay, looks like I hate everything. I dont even know what things I really hate since I often say hate to things I like as well. (Like, I hate nino!)

Now I think of it...
I never really get how people should response in convo. I never really learn it. My native language even seems like foreign in my tongue.
As if english is not foreign...
But at least I learn a lot from movies and fansubs. My lecturer once praise for paying attention to grammar. I still remember that time in my childhood when I ask my bro what mountain is.
...And when I hit him when playing roadrash jailbreak. And when I use cheat to finish FF7. And when we fight over some food. I miss those moments...
I wonder if people from my childhood still remembers those weird things I do. Since I do, and I want to hit myself for that. I never able to forgive myself. I must be punished for every wrongdoings.
But I hate that.
But (again), everything we hate may not always be bad for us. The same goes for this, I think. Punishment is good. It gives myself a forgiveness.
Sometimes they bully me.
Just hit me will ya? These things hurt more than several slaps.
Ugh, this become so sappy.
I'll end this here.